The Role Model Trap

Set a good example for your…
Sister.
Brother.
Cousin.
The little kids.
Younger year levels.
Your teammates.
Colleagues.
Students.
Staff.
Fans.

Okay, maybe not fans…I’d need to have some first.
But growing up, that expectation was served up generously by adults.

Society created the role model as a tool to moderate behaviour. Instead of simply being mindful of others watching us, many of us internalised the responsibility to constantly watch and police ourselves.

The idea that our behaviour could shape the destiny of a younger, more vulnerable person was quite a weight to carry. If little Tommy ends up living under a bridge, it’s probably because he heard you drop an f-bomb when you were twelve.

Influence is real. But behaving in a socially acceptable way just to set a good example can be counterproductive to developing an authentic sense of self.

That’s not to say the world would benefit from everyone acting out their unresolved pain through aggression, chaos and unbridled indulgence. If the only thing keeping you civil right now is your sense of duty as a role model, then by all means, keep it.

But imagine if kindness and civility flowed naturally from a place of safety, self-awareness and confidence, instead of obligation.

When we give ourselves space to feel, think and express authentically, rather than suppressing pain and performative behaviour. The channel for greater love, creativity and joy opens on its own.

Perhaps there are roles you’re still modelling that you’re finally ready to let go of.